One Glasshole’s Timeline
July 29, 2013 3 Comments
I am a Glasshole. There, I’ve said it. If you come here for nothing more than to know what I’m doing, leave now. (Bye Mom!) If you also come to keep up with the latest cultural trends, read on:
Noun glasshole -
- insensitive, privacy invading, distracted driving, techno-knucklehead who’d drive off a cliff if Sergei or Larry told him it was a good idea.
- someone who got Google Glass before I did.
Alright, the rest of you can go home now so I can talk to myself, as usual.
I’ve had Glass for 10 weeks, so in the spirit of proving my superiority (really isn’t that the point of all blogs?) I deign to share a little of what it’s like to be so cool. ”Timeline”, as all you #glasswaiters know is the foundation of Glass’ much-maligned mirror API so I’ve sketched out a rough timeline of my own Glass-Self-Discovery adventure. On every milestone (timeline card) is a picture, a short description of what happened that week, and the Selfies-Count – i.e. the number of people who borrowed the Glass, usually to take a picture of themselves wearing Glass that they can tweet to the world.
|Hungout with my friend Ben, who also got Glass. Ben doesn’t really have a handlebar mustache. Discovered that “doing hangouts” on Glass is Stupid because when you’re talking to someone they want to see you, not the crappe you’re looking at, duh. Spent the rest of the day hanging out with myself trying not to feel stupid. Went to bed convinced I was the coolest kid in America.|
|Selfies-count: 5, including my 80 year old parents. Dad was surprisingly handy with the touchpad. My children did not tweet out their selfies.|
|In the second week, my team of crack coders, (including Griffin playing the part of a patient at left), took Glass to AngelHack Boston and built a prototype hospital rapid response team management system called aRRTGlass. We committed several major crimes against computer science, watched the Bruins on the big screen in a Microsoft conference room and violated the unwritten rule against letting me name things. We were the only Glass play at the hack, and by a wide margin the best hack and coolest demo.|
|Selfies-count: 53 with a tweet-rate of ~73%. The force is strong among the angelhackers.|
|Sulked about not winning AngelHack with our cool Glass thing. Got a nice writeup in the Boston Globe by Scott Kirsner who took, and published, the worst picture of me ever taken. Considered suicide when I discovered that you can’t do Glass without participating in Google Plus.|
|Selfies-count: holding steady at 53|
|Returned to work re-energized and waited for @richminer to call and offer us 8 figures to sit on our asses being cool. He must have been on vacation that week. Fell immediately back into depression as I worked on streaming video off Glass and discovered what everybody else already knows about streaming off Android – it’s torture. Fell further into depression after realizing that the Cost of Sales in healthcare is 1 billion times the Cost of Sales in any other industry except defense or local government.|
|Selfies-count: 71 including one free 5$ coffee and one free 6$ beer|
|Waited for Glass Collective to call and offer us 7 figures to develop Solitaire for Glass. Made several concerted efforts to “connect” with Google developer advocates for help with Glass development issues. Was told, “Glass developer advocates have very specific goals” right now. Apparently, helping developers write for Glass is not one of those goals. Discovered that everybody else who knows anything about healthcare is totally depressed about the possibility of fixing it. Strangely, this made me feel better.|
|Selfies-count: 77 – fair warning, if you’re a fast-food cashier and you want a selfie, I now expect a freebie in return. Seriously, don’t even ask.|
|Hosted the Exploring Glass meetup to explain to the unwashed masses what Glass is all about. This forced me to pause the money-wait long enough to figure out what consumer Glass is all about. This involved loading every Glassware available onto my device and using them. This took about 15 minutes. Ominously, the first card that the CNN Glassware showed me was a video clip about a dog that can ride a scooter. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.|
|Selfies-count: 117, a free burrito, and the business cards of 7 hot women. #winning|
|Started wearing Glass in public. Wore it around my work neighborhood in Cambridge (@workbar) and found out what it’s like to be a rockstar. Wore it around my Republican suburb and, paradoxically, got as close as I will ever get to knowing what it’s like to be black. A Learning Experience. Thought I’d sworn off those. Got another nice writeup in the Boston Globe from Cal Borchers who took the one unfortunately colorful thing I said in our two hours together and used it as the punchline of the story. Really Sergei, I don’t think that wearing Google Glass is comparable to running around pointing a gun at people.|
|Selfies-count: 131, wondering if I should subtract dagger-stares from the selfies-count. Review of the video from Cal’s visit indicate a high sneaky-dagger-stare quotient.|
|Changed all my social media profile pictures to some picture of me wearing Glass. The transformation is complete. Google starts making noise about a GDK. People who haven’t been paying attention swoon as if you can’t develop Glass apps without one. Those of us developing Glass apps without a GDK grind our teeth and remind ourselves that this keeps the field clear of knuckleheads for another few weeks.|
|Selfies-count: 152, decided to ignore the dagger-stares. Can’t distinguish the Glass-related ones from the unattractive-middle-aged-man ones.|
|Got hit by a car while wearing Glass. First car accident in 25 years. I had been stopped for a good minute in the middle lane of the Southeast Expressway at rush hour when the urban assault vehicle behind me gave me a serious love tap. Thought that only happened to other people. Hmmph, another Learning Experience. I thanked The Deity that he didn’t just do the monster-truck-crawl right over my little plastic Element. The Glass was turned off. Wish I’d been recording, though it only would have shown the car jumping forward 5 feet.|
|Selfies-count: 157 – the mojo appears to be wearing off, though the force remains strong inside Chipotle as I score another free burrito.|
|Took a pile of existing Android code and developed something useful for Glass. Stay tuned.|
|Selfies-count: 164 – selfies count seems related to how much I stay at my desk developing code, and how much I go out and show off the Glass. Worth investigating.|